


New Year's Visit

by magalud



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Comedy, Fangirls, Gen, Hogwarts Era, Metafiction, Nonsense, Reader-Insert, clashing of worlds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-02
Updated: 2015-05-02
Packaged: 2018-03-28 17:28:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3863230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magalud/pseuds/magalud
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Somebody knocks on New Year's Day</p>
            </blockquote>





	New Year's Visit

**Author's Note:**

> Made for the first Holiday MiniFest at the Brazilian SnapeFest 2005. This one's for New Year's.  
> Metafic is not my genre, but this one refused not to be written

 

Knock, knock.

 

"Who is it?"

 

"Professor Snape, please let me in."

 

"I'm not a professor anymore. Go away."

 

"I'm not a student, professor. Please let me in."

 

"Then who the hell are you?" Door opens.

 

"Thank you for seeing me, professor. You don't know me. I came from Brazil, and you can call me Magalud. It's a pleasure to meet you."

 

"Are you a witch? How…?"

 

"How is not important, professor. Besides, I won't take much of your time. Specially not in New Year's Day, right after the Dark Lord's birthday celebration. I'm just here to tell you I'm your devoted fan."

 

_*silence* *eyes squinting*_

 

"Oh, yes, you're using Legilimency. Then you know I'm not a witch, but a plain Muggle. As you can see for yourself, I'm no threat to you and I don't have a hidden agenda."

 

"How Hufflepuff of you. Why are you here?"

 

"I just wanted you to know that I'm not your average fan. I don't stalk (at least not too much), I don't squeal, I won't make puppy eyes to you, I don't worship the actor who portrays you, I don't want to have your babies, I don't want to marry you, I don't want to live with you and I most certainly don't want to transform you into a mushy, romantic whelp. I am pretty satisfied in your sexy, snarky, snappy, cruel and sarcastic self."

 

"Did you just call me sexy?"

 

"Of course. Like many others, I find you very sexy. But don't worry, I have no intention of making advances towards you or molesting your person – unless of course you want me to."

 

"Then exactly how, Madam, am I supposed to react to your – shall we call it visit?"

 

"You don't have to do anything, professor. I just thought it would be appropriate for you to know you have a fan. Given recent events – more notably, the Lighting-Struck Tower Incident, as I call it – I felt obliged to."

 

"So I can get inured to your presence, is that your intention?"

 

"More to my existence, if you will. Well, then, as I said before, I don't want to take your time, so let me wish you a happy New Year and good luck on dodging The Dark Lord's rise."

 

"Not so fast, Missy. You've told me what type of fan you are not – not a squealer, not a stalker, not an eye-doer. Now tell me what type of fan you indeed are."

 

"Are you sure your want to know? It's not much, you see."

 

"Please indulge me."

 

"I mostly write, sir. About you, I mean. At first, there wasn't much information, and I had to fill in a lot of gaps. It's a pure theoretical exercise. Anyway, I'm not sure you'd want to know about fandom. It can get somewhat embarrassing."

 

"For your or me?"

 

"Yes, good point. But there's enough embarrassment for both of us, I'm afraid. My friends can't stand me talking about you anymore, and I'm sure that as the object of adoration you'll feel quite uncomfortable, so why don't we just leave it there for the time being?"

 

"One does not need to master Legilimency to see that you are hiding something from me."

 

"It's for the best, sir. The things I write might... displease you, to say the least. You see, I know there are other fans, but they'd be louder and much more squealing about all this. I could tell you we make festivals of stories about you and such, but I feel you don't want to know about it."

 

"Agreed. Am I to expect anymore of these visits?"

 

"Would it be all right if I stopped by in your birthday and left you a gift?"

 

"As a token of affection?"

 

"A small one, sir. You don't need to agree, of course."

 

"But I do. I may even invite you to tea."

 

"Are you sure you want to do that, Professor? That'd be very encouraging. You may not want me to get bolder than I already am."

 

"You may be right. You do seem to know a lot about me. It is… disquieting."

 

"That is an aftereffect of fandom, I'm afraid. I had hoped to keep this at a minimum level. Anyway, I was already leaving. Good night, sir."

 

"Very well, then. Do come back in nine days, when we can perhaps discuss some _advances towards my person_." Smirk.

 

"I am about to squeal, sir."

 

"Eventually, you will. But not tonight." Double smirk.

 

Door slam.

 

Knees wobble.

 

Brain explodes.

 

The End

 


End file.
